


feel the love and let it in

by ninwrites



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Season/Series 03, Short & Sweet, Spoilers, Still canon compliant, True Love, Trust, slight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13765386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: a quick study on communication





	feel the love and let it in

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I’m ill and I wanted to make myself feel better. This is in no way presumed to be canon, just something fun I whipped up. 
> 
> that being said, I am excited to see how they handle such sensitive subjects in season three. 
> 
> title from 'heart hope' by oh wonder // barely edited, all mistakes are my delirious own

_Being High Warlock meant everything to him…_

Alec tries not to blame himself, because it’s incredibly up-start to believe that a Shadowhunter has any business in Downworlder politics, but he can’t ignore the guilt that sears his insides like acid, knowing that if he’d told Magnus about the Soul Sword from the beginning, he probably wouldn’t be forced to side with the Seelie Queen, and now have lost everything he’s worked so hard for.

 

And now the Clave are trying to win his favour, offering him a position on the High Council, as though that will fix all the injustice they’ve incited; he can’t deny that it would open a lot of powerful avenues, for him to do good, to do better, but he doesn’t know if the cost is worth the outcome.

 

Alec takes a deep breathe, steeling himself, before sliding his key into the lock; the loft is somewhere he’s come to know as home, as a place of comfort and stability and joy, but even when he was heartbroken, pleading for Magnus’ help though he had no right to it, he hadn’t felt this nervous.

 

He doesn’t imagine that Magnus will turn him away; rather, that he’ll pretend as though nothing is wrong, when the truth is eating him up inside. It’s not a matter of trust, but rather, of him not wanting Alec to worry, when such an action will only prove to do so more.

 

Alec pushes the door open, hyper-aware of his surroundings; the main area is empty, but there’s soft orchestral music coming from the study, slipping between the crack of the door and the wall.

 

It’s a good sign, all things considered, because it means that Magnus is productive and not drowning his sorrows – it means that Alec has a chance to encourage him to open up, if he doesn’t push, just reminds Magnus that Alec is there for him, no matter what.

 

He’s not going to make Magnus talk about it, if he’s not comfortable, he just wants to help, in anyway that he can; he wants to reassure Magnus that he’s not alone in this.

 

Alec hangs his holster on the coat rack, his bow against the hallway entrance, his jacket thrown across the couch. He contemplates calling out to Magnus, but decides against it, figuring a gentle poke into the study to be more what Magnus would need. Alec doesn’t want to shock him, but he also doesn’t want to make the situation feel bigger than it must be, not whilst Magnus isn’t talking to him about this.

 

According to Catarina, it was made official a few days before, but rumours have been stinking up the Downworld since Magnus’ decision was made; news travels fast in the Downworld, faster still where Seelies are involved, and in his own words, Magnus has always been a magnet for gossip.

 

Alec has never understood the point of gossip, direct communication has always made more sense – if somebody has something to say about him, he’d rather them be honest and admit it to his face, rather than murmuring about it where his ears can’t hear.

 

Alec pauses outside the door to the study, listening to the low music, the odd clink of metal and glass, before knocking gently on the door. He pokes his head in, the lower half of his body hanging out in the entrance.

 

Magnus glances up, smoke billowing up from a wide glass tube on the apothecary table in front of him. “Alexander,” he smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re home earlier than I thought, the meeting with the Inquisitor mustn’t have been as dreadful as you anticipated?”

 

Alec swallows back the bitter taste coating his tongue, shutting the door behind him. His arms fold over his chest instinctively, even as he crosses towards Magnus. “I don’t know if any meeting with Inquisitor Herondale could be called anything but dreadful … I have quite a big decision to make.”

 

Magnus hums, adding something vibrant and pink to the smoking tube, with the grace and finesse of a Pandemonium bartender. “You’re a brilliant man, with excellent decision-making skills – you did decide to kiss me at your own wedding, after all. That’s quite a smart decision.”

 

He glances up, glamoured eyes sparkling with mirth; it’s not out of the ordinary for him to have his glamour up, especially if he hasn’t thought about it, but Magnus hardly wears his glamour when it’s just them, and Alec feels – on edge.

 

If he didn’t know that something was wrong before, he did now.

 

“This is a little different,” Alec admits, rounding the table. Magnus’s body turns to face him, almost instinctively, but his shoulders are curved slightly forward and there’s something too sharp about the points of his hair, something too deliberate about his makeup, something too _‘I’m fine’_ about his jacket.

 

Magnus reaches out, cupping Alec’s cheek, his thumb sweeping a curve beneath Alec’s eye. “Whatever it is, I know you’ll make the right decision; I trust your instincts.”

 

Alec closes his eyes, heart pounding stubbornly, as he takes a lone step back. “Do you?” He asks, swallowing back the lump in his throat. “Do you trust me?” He opens his eyes, hands wringing in front of him as he casts his gaze anywhere but Magnus’. “I understand, if you don’t, I haven’t given you much reason to, I just – I just need to know.”

 

Magnus’ eyes are blown wide, disbelief thin. “Of course, I trust you. Alexander-“

 

“Then why didn’t you tell me that you had your title revoked?” Alec bites his lip, hands curled by his sides, fingers shaking against his palm. “That the High Council of Warlocks have taken your title, from you, in recompense for siding with the Seelie Queen – a decision that you shouldn’t have had to make-“

 

“This isn’t your fault.” Magnus states, stepping forward, though he leaves his hands by his side. “The Council have wanted to push me aside for decades, I’ve just now given them a reason to – I made the decision to side with the Queen, and I must stand by the consequences of my actions.”

 

Alec deflates, blinking back tears before they can fall, because he knows how important this is to Magnus, he knows what it feels like to lose a job that so much energy has been poured into, knows how heartbreaking it is to have your own people not _trust_ you to do your job.

 

It hurt, he won’t lie, to know that Magnus wasn’t comfortable telling him, but it hurts more to know that Magnus is going through this, and there’s nothing that Alec can do to help; even if he accepts this position on the Council, he won’t be able to give Magnus back his title.

 

It’s disgusting to think that their relationship, whilst possibly being the reason the Council want Alec, as a token, it’s just as likely to be a mark against Magnus’ reputation and standing within the Downworld community.

 

“Alexander,” Magnus whispers, reaching out for Alec’s hands, fingers curled against Alec’s wrists. “It’s okay – yes, I’ll miss being High Warlock, but it will give me so much more time, to focus on my clients, on you, on us. On myself.”

 

Alec searches Magnus’ gaze, finding honesty, but beneath that, the kind of ache that is impossible to hide, even with Magnus’ centuries of experience; as much as he brushes it off, he is hurt, immensely so.

 

Nothing will ease the pain, nothing will fill the hole left behind, but comfort is something Alec has always been good at offering, and it’s barely an effort to wrap his arms around Magnus, pulling him close and reminding him that whatever has happened, or will, he isn’t alone.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alec whispers, as Magnus tucks his head against the crook of Alec’s neck. “I’m so sorry, Magnus – you’re the best for this job, I know how much it means to you, and I’m sorry that the Council don’t see the benefit of keeping you on.”

 

“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction,” Magnus quotes, hair tickling Alec’s cheek. “My decision was never going to lead to a positive consequence, Alexander, I knew this was a possibility; Valentine is dead, the Downworld are moving towards a better time, a time where they can all be free and proud of themselves. I endangered that progress, I shouldn’t be the high warlock if I’m willing to put my people in danger like that.”

 

Alec shakes his head, curving his head against Magnus’ neck. “You were only doing what you thought was right,” He whispers. “It was a difficult decision that you were forced to make – you couldn’t trust the Shadowhunters, not after I kept the Soul Sword a secret, you had to make an alliance before Valentine-“

 

He can’t continue, because he can’t stomach the idea that he almost lost Magnus, again, for the second time in their far-too-short relationship; Valentine was intent on ending the Downworld, and Alec’s omission of the truth had been the spark that lit the short fuse of Magnus’ patience.

 

His fingers dig into the fabric of Magnus’ jacket, aching for something tangible to anchor himself; things are okay now, he knows, but there’s always the chance that they won’t be. Today, it’s Magnus’ title, but tomorrow could be much worse.

 

“Alec,” Magnus pulls back, cheeks bright. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been doubted – I’ll focus my energy elsewhere, I won’t stop helping you, and the Institute, if you still want it.”

 

Alec frowns, curling his hands against Magnus’ shoulder. “Of course, I still want your help. I don’t hire you for your title, or because you’re my boyfriend, I pay you what you deserve for services rendered because I know that you’re the best out there. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with the safety of the Institute, or any other matter, if you’re available to help.”

 

Magnus smiles, just slightly. “I’ll always be available to help you.” He inclines his head, a teasing glint sparking in his eyes. “And not, because you’re _my_ boyfriend, but because I have _tremendous_ respect for the Head of the New York Institute.”

 

Alec rolls his eyes, a flush crawling up his neck, but then Magnus is leaning forward, and suddenly all logic recedes in favour of tangling his fingers in Magnus’ hair, and losing himself in the moment, a moment he spent a heart aching time believing he’d never be privy to again.

 

He refuses to throw away the best thing to have ever happened to him, and by the same token, he refuses to disrespect Magnus again. If Magnus says that it’s okay, Alec is going to respect that, and simply be by Magnus’ side for anything he might need.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You never told me how you found out, that I lost my title?”

 

Magnus pulls the covers back, taking a self-indulgent second to glance at the stark runes on Alec’s bare chest, because he’s in the business of being shameless, before slipping into bed. “I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want you to worry, but I should have predicted that you’d find out. I’m not angry, mind, just curious.”

 

Alec skirts his gaze, fingers itching against the seam of the gold sheets. “There’s been some incidents, odd incidents, of newborns going missing from hospitals, with nobody but the mother remembering; the nurses, the fathers, grandparents, none of them but the mothers know that they were even born. I set up a task crew to investigate it, and ended up consulting with Cat, who could only tell me that there was imprints of dark energy in the maternal ward, but she couldn’t pinpoint what it was; she was very forthcoming with your recent news, though.”

 

“I can’t say that I am surprised,” Magnus sighs, rolling over to face Alec. “She’s always been a gossip.”

 

Alec’s lips thin into a flat line. “Cat just cares, she admitted that you wouldn’t have wanted her to tell me, but she was, because she understands how much I care about you, and she … trusts me.”

 

Magnus can’t, nor does he want to, hide the smile that brightens at the reminder that his best friend, and his boyfriend, not only get along but get along _well_. “And so she should, you’re a very trustworthy person.”

 

Alec links his fingers with Magnus’, in the space between them. “And you’re avoiding the subject.”

 

Magnus tangles his feet with Alec’s beneath the sheets, teeth pressing into his bottom lip. “I didn’t intend to keep it a secret, not after all that we’ve been through. I’m sorry you had to hear it from Cat, instead of me, although I am glad that to hear she trusts you.”

 

“I’m just sorry that this happened.” Alec frowns, thumb pressed to the pulse of Magnus’ wrist. “You’re the best warlock I know, there’s a reason that you were put in a position to side with the Queen in the first place, and you – it just, it sucks, that you’re not allowed to do what you love anymore.”

 

“Alexander, I still have you.” Magnus winks, and it’s cheesy and exaggerated, and so coy and flirty that Alec can’t hold back a laugh from slipping through his parted lips. He rolls over, nudging Magnus until he’s lying on his back, Alec’s quick reflexes allowing him to straddle Magnus’ hips in the blink of an eye.

 

“Of course, you have me.” Alec promises, hands resting on Magnus’ chest. “Always. Just as you have my support, whatever you need – it’s yours.” He leans down, until the tip of his nose brushes Magnus’ cheek, lips pressed gently to the corner of Magnus’ mouth. “I’m yours.”

 

Magnus surges up, lips moving in tandem with Alec’s, fingers dancing against Alec’s back, tracing the dips and curves of the runes marking his skin, those that give him strength and agility and, Magnus’ favourite, stamina.

 

He leans into the hands on his chest, in his hair, into the searing kisses that Alec leaves across his jaw, his neck, the divet of his collarbone; it’s easy, to lose himself in the moment, even easier to lose himself in Alec, and their special kind of love, the kind that exists between two hearts destined to match.

 

Magnus was never one for soulmates, but then, he’d never experienced true, pure love before Alec came along, either.

 

“You,” Magnus gasps, words stuttering on his tongue as Alec teases the space behind his ear with lips and teeth. “You know, I’m yours too, right?”

 

His lungs shake, in the best damn way, even more so when Alec pulls back and fixes him with those signature _‘I don’t think I can live without you’_ eyes. How he lived, truly lived, before Alec entered his life, he’ll never know.

 

“I know,” Alec smiles, the corner lifting so high Magnus is surprised it hasn’t caught the sun. “Every time I wake up here, next to you, it’s this beautiful reminder that it’s not a dream, that I really found, you. That I have – this. Love.”

 

“You have this-“ Magnus sighs, his heart too big for his chest. “This love, for as long as you’ll have me.”

 

Alec pulls Magnus closer, taking a second to mumble against his lips, before swallowing the surprised gasp that falls from between Magnus’ lips. Alec’s words echo around Magnus’ mind for days afterwards.

 

_I think forever sounds pretty good to me._

 

**Author's Note:**

> (I am, while I'm here, going to take a second to give my dear sara a shoutout, and wish her a happy early birthday - you're a star in the darkest of nights and I couldn't be more lucky as to know you xx )
> 
> links - for those interested:
> 
> twitter: [ninwrites](https://mobile.twitter.com/ninwrites) for fic stuff/updates/snippets + [malteser_24](https://mobile.twitter.com/malteser_24) for general fandom mess + small threads  
> tumblr: I've recently moved accounts - now, I have a writing tumblr, which you can find [here](https://ninwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thank you for reading!
> 
> \- Nin ❤


End file.
